As a Nightguard (Continued!)
by BadWolf1900
Summary: This is a collection of comedy stories about the work days of Mike Schmidt, the nightguard at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza.
1. Prologue

As the Nightguard

Prologue

I'm Mike Schmidt. I am the nightguard at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza…Pizzeria… whatever. What do you thing the most dangerous career is? I know what actually _is._ You may ask why guarding a kid's place is so dangerous. Let me tell you about my first day.

I came into my office. Two armored doors on each side of the hallway. It seemed odd at first, but I ended up needing them. Cameras that allowed me to monitor the whole building… accept for the kitchen. I could see the stage. There stood three animatronics. A bear named Freddy, a purple bunny named Bonnie, and a chicken named Chica. They all stood perfectly still. There was also the a camera in one of the bathrooms, the party room, parts and service, the forever loved broom closet, and Pirate's Cove; a stage with a closed curtain and sign that said:

 _Sorry, out of order._

It was cramped in the office, so I decided to take a walk. I walked down the left hallway. when I came into the party room, I heard a noise to my left. I looked at Pirate's Cove. The curtain was pulled open, slightly. I saw too glowing eyes peering out at me. I froze there…staring at what I couldn't believe.

I turned around and bumped into something tall and purple. Bonnie was looking down at me. I back up and felt something grab my arm. Chica had a hold of me. "Get off me!" I yelled. I finally managed to get away from her grasp. "Gawd. You about… broke my arm." Bonnie tried to grab me, but I hit him with my flashlight. I ran back down the hallway. I tried opening the front door. Locked. I ducked into my office.

I looked at my cameras. I could see the robots in all over the place. I turned on the light outside my right door. Chica was there. I closed the door. I looked at my left hallway using the camera. Foxy was sprinting towards my office. I pressed the button to close the door, but he caught it with his hook before it could close. He lifted the door up and pressed the button to open it completely. He slashed at me with his hook. That knocked me up against the other door. He was about to pounce on me when everything went black. I heard a noise from a bell that I still love to hear today. I heard kids cheer as they stampeded in through the doors. Foxy was gone, and I had a big gash in my arm. None of the children paid any attention to me. They went right past the office and into the party room. And I went home… happy to be alive. You may ask me why I didn't quit. Well, I was in the worse possible financial state. So, I had to keep this job until I got my degree.


	2. Story One

As a Nightguard

Story One

There definitely _are_ some nights to remember. There's too many to tell. So, let's start with #1. I walked into the office. I thought it would be a normally dangerous night. It was two or three o'clock when I thought I saw Chica out of the corner of my eye. When I was about to close the door, she was nowhere to be seen. I went back to monitoring the cameras when I smelled the most horrible smell that I had ever smelled.

"Oh….MY…..GOD…."

I hate to say it, but I may or may not have lost my lunch. Yeah. It was that bad. The fan wasn't helping. It blew the smell straight towards me. I stepped out of the right doorway so I could breath. When I looked up, Chica was standing there. She seemed like she was laughing. Not the evil laugh. She was laughing the" This is hilarious" laugh. Fredbutt (Freddy) stood there shaking his head as if he were disgusted. Foxy walked down the hallway; wondering what was so hilarious.

"What be so funny?" He asked.

 _Oh, so they can talk now,_ I thought.

But that quickly left my head as I knew that once he figured it out, he'd take the opportunity and try to kill me. I needed a distraction. Then, I saw where the smell originated from. There was a bag of green goopy goopiness. I picked it up and threw it in Freddy's face.

Fredbutt stood there. Shocked. Foxy and Chica looked at me. After what seemed like forever, I was the first one to do anything.

"Good night!"

And I closed the door.


	3. Story Two

As a Nightguard

Story Two

One night I had a serious problem. My Dad wanted me to take him to work. He wanted to see why I wasn't tired when I got home from work. So, I had to do it.

We went in and sat down in the office.

"Do you just sit here all night?" He asked.

"Oh trust me," I responded," It's not boring."

"Doesn't it get repetitive? And why would this place need a nightguard?"

"Just check the left doorway every once in a while," I said.

I monitored the cameras while my Dad turned the light on in the left hallway every few minutes.

"Don't do that too often," I ordered.

"Why? It's not like we've got limited power."

"Number one," I responded," We _do_ have limited power _and_ some of the cost comes off of my paycheck."

This was a bad night for my Dad to come. Bonnie was already in the party room and Chica was already in the bathroom. And one time we even heard Freddy's laugh.

"What was that?" He demanded.

"What was what?" I asked.

I wanted him to think he was hearing things. I didn't want him to find anything out. If he figured out how dangerous my job was, he'd make me quit. But, I couldn't quit because I couldn't find another job.

"Did you not hear that?" He asked.

"Are you _sure_ you don't have hearing problems?" I asked.

"No, Mike! I…was probably hearing things. This place creeps me out."

I looked at the left hallway using the cameras. Foxy was running down the hallway.

I jumped up and punched the button.

The door closed with its loud piston noise.

"Gawd, Mike. Are you _that_ paranoid of this place? What do you see on those cameras? Give me the…"

"Oh, no, no ,no! Nap! Nope. This is a complex system. Not just anyone can run it! It's hard to use. It'll probably give you a headache if you look at it for too long!"

"What is wrong with you, Mike?"

"I…"

The power went out.

 _Oh fffff…_ I thought.

The music played.

My dad stared at the left doorway in horror… staring straight at Freddy's face. The bell rang as it turned to six o'clock. Kids cheered and stampeded in.

"What… was… that?" He demanded.

"Uuuuhh," I responded," I have a co-worker who likes to try and scare me.


	4. Story Three

As a Nightguard

Story Three

I have to admit… there are bloopers in this career. Plenty of dumb, silly crap. Rarely, it all happens in one night. Like some of the few nights where that actually happened.

I came in and sat down in my office. It started automatically. Bonnie tripped and fell off the stage.

"Uuummmmm…" I mumbled.

Foxy slipped while running down the hallway and slammed into the front entrance.. As he pounced towards me I shut the door. His face made an impression on the it.

Chica electrocuted herself while tampering with the wires outside of my office. I was too shocked by the humanity that I didn't even close the door. She ran off after she got tazed by 160 volts.

The best one of all though… was when Freddy entered the bathroom. He slipped a fell straight into a stall. I heard a splash. He came out with _something_ smudged on his face. I think we all know that _**someone**_ did not flush the toilet.


	5. Story Four

As a Nightguard

Story Four

There are some nights when even Foxy is too stunned to attack. Just like _one night._ A couple of hours before my shift started, I was at a bar. I got a little… okay, _very_ drunk. So, I walked in; bottle in hand, right past the office. Instead of sitting down in the office, I sat down in the broom closet and passed out.

When I woke up, all four animatronics were looking down at me… snickering.

"Aooaahh. Ya pansies wanna piecsth a me… do ya…?" I asked drunkenly.

They all broke out laughing. I look back on it and wonder why they didn't kill me. I guess they thought the moment was too hilarious to ruin.

"Come and get it ya hmmm… oafs….."

"How far are you from being sober?" Chica asked.

First communication between me and an animatronic that wasn't" Die you S-O….". Yeah… that.

"I shoot da prace up. Ya."

"Oh my god…" Bonnie snickered.

Foxy picked up the bottle.

"Foxy," Chica warned," Don't you…"

He took a big swig of it.

"Foxy," Chica said," Could you not make the situation worse."

"What do I be doing te make the situation worse?" He asked.

"We don't need you drunk too." She responded.

"Uuuuuuuhhhh," I murmured randomly," Moar bear."

"More bear?" Freddy asked.

"Behind da party poster." I drunkily retorted.

"I think he means that there's more beer behind the party poster in the office." Bonnie translated.

"Hey, where'd Foxy go?" Chica asked," Wait. He didn't…"

All of the sudden, Foxy came around the corner with a bottle of beer in each hand.

He was drunkenly singing a song:

"Farewell to ya da, ye fair Spanish ladies… farewell te ya do, ye ladies in Spain!"

"Oh no…" Bonnie murmured.

"We've been given orders… te go back te…. eeehhhh." He continued and groggily came to a stop.

"I beet all of ya in a drankin contest." I confidently claimed.

"Aright then." Foxy responded.

"No, you boys will not!" Chica demanded.

"I'm in!" Bonnie exclaimed.

"I'm in!" yelled Freddy.

We got a few bottles of rum and sat down at a table. Chica reluctantly brought us some little shot glasses or whatever ya call em. Me and Bonnie were in the first match. When we got to the 6th shot, Bonnie slumped over.

It was me and Freddy next.

"Bonnie could never win a drinking contest," Freddy claimed.

"Neither can ya," I said.

He slumped over on the 8th shot.

It was finally me and Foxy.

Apparently, he already had his share of alcohol because he fell out of his chair on the 2nd shot.

Me and Chica got them back into their positions for the next day.

"Eh. Why not?" She said. I went out cold on the 1st shot.


	6. Story Five

As a Nightguard

Story Five

Thankfully, after that one night of drunkenness, the alcohol had worn off of the animatronics. If it hadn't, the next day's performance would've gone downhill fast.

Anyway, I couldn't stop remembering the time that Chica had put that green bag of foul smells in my office. I knew what the vengeance center of my brain wanted: _**PAYBACK!**_

I knew what I needed for my payback plan:

1\. My dad.

2\. An empty smoke grenade.

3\. A good hiding spot.

Okay, _DON'T…_ just _DON'T_ ask how I got my Dad's gas into the smoke grenade. _DON'T!_

Don't ask how I convinced him to do it, either.

Anyway, I needed a hiding spot, preferably in the kitchen so I could jump out and throw the fart filled smoke grenade as she came in. The gas in the smoke grenade was probably the equivalent of tear gas, so I'd have to get out of there after I threw it.

In the daytime, I asked if I could help the chefs in the kitchen. I'm not allowed to tell you what they put in those pizzas, but that's not what we're here to talk about.

(DON'T EAT THOSE PIZZAS! _**DON'T!**_ )

I inspected the kitchen as I helped. There was a door that led to the freezer. I don't know for sure, but I think they substituted the tiny pieces of sausage with soggy dog food. I hope not.

I figured I'd hide in the freezer until she came in. Then, I'd pull the pin, burst out the freezer door, throw the tear gas substitute at Chica, and sprint back to my office.

That night, I put my plan into action. I hid in the freezer and waited for Chica to come in. After _FIVE_ hours, she finally came in. I waited for her to start messing with the forks and knives before I went out.

Finally, ready to get payback, I pulled the pin. I opened the door…

Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to say that I _didn't_ open the door. I had accidentally locked myself in.

Here's the situation:

I'm sitting there; unable to escape. I was being killed by tear gas. I tried to kick to door down. I was kussing like a sailor, and Chica knew I was there.

After what seemed like an hour of chocking to death, Chica finally opened the freezer door.

"Having a few problems there, Mike?" She asked.

"SHADDUP!" I ordered as I tried to breath.

She started laughing and finally said something:

"I'm giving you a ten second head start before I go back into killing mode."

"Oh fffff….." I was gone before I could finish talking.

It was six a.m. when I got back to my office. Time to go home after failed bay back.


	7. Story Six

As a Nightguard

Story Six

Freddy _still_ hated me for when I threw the green goop bag in his face. Lucky for me, I took an extra job on the day shift because I needed some more cash moneys. The animatronics didn't know I was there.

In between animatronic shows, I snuck backstage to check on everything. Freddy was talking to Chica and Bonnie.

"I know how we're gonna get back at Mike," He said.

"Um, you mean you know how _you're_ going to get back at Mike?" Chica and Bonnie asked.

"I know you'd rather side with _him_ if you could, but you're _going_ to help me," He ordered.

"So," He explained, "We'll get all of the dog food that we can find out of the freezer. Then, we'll mix it with cheese, tomatoes, onions, and put it in a pot of boiling toilet water."

"Eeeewww…." Both Bonnie and Chica murmured.

"And we'll add in some salt and pepper… and vinegar," Freddy added.

"Then," He continued," While he's not looking, we'll go in and dump it on him!"

"Yeah…" Bonnie said." You can have all of the trolling to yourself…"

He saw me.

"Uuuuhh," Bonnie murmured.

Chica elbowed him before he could say anything.

"What?" Freddy asked.

"Uuummmmm… what time do we dump it on him."

"Well, I guess we'll do it at about two o'clock." He answered.

"Ok," They both said," I guess we don't have a choice."

As Freddy walked off, they gave me the thumbs up.

I knew what I needed:

 _ **MOAR COFFEE!**_

I needed to be the most awake and alert man on earth to stop this.

I drank coffee the whole rest of the day. When I got up to go to work in the morning, I wasn't tired. I drank coffee as I drove to work. I started chugging as much coffee as possible before two o'clock.

As soon as two o'clock came, I somehow knew that Freddy was coming down the right hallway. Bonnie and Chica had snuck away right before Freddy started coming down the hallway. As soon as he got within six feet of the door, I ran outside and drop kicked him.

Vinegar Dog Food Pizza Toilet Water Gumbo went all over Freddy. As soon as I drop kicked him, I slid away before the soup could get all over me.

Bonnie and Chica had come back to see how everything went down. They were trying not to laugh. Foxy came from Pirate's Cove to see what had happened.

"Uuuu, Freddy?" He asked." What kind o' soup did ye spill there?"

"ALL OF YOU SHADDUP!" Freddy yelled.

He got up and pounced at me. I rolled out of the way.

"GET BACK HERE SO I CAN RIP YOU TO SHREDS!"

"Come and get me ya fat S-O-B!"

I ran into the party room. I sprinted to parts and service. I hid by a conveniently placed tool shelf. He came in.

As soon as he walked by, I tipped the shelf over on him.

"SURPRISE!" I yelled.

I made my way out of parts and service.

I slid over a few tables and ran down the left hallway. I heard the bell ring.

Before any kids could even reach the doorway, I drop kicked the front door. I slid and stumbled back onto my feet. Kids, parents, and workers looked at me in confusion.

"I'm out!" I yelled.

I got in my car and drove home.

My adrenaline was rushing so much that I couldn't remember how many things I had drop kicked.


	8. Story Seven

As a Nightguard

Story Seven

(Last One Until Next Week)

I really wouldn't have been able to stop Freddy's revenge without Bonnie and Chica.

If they told Freddy that I was there, he would've come up with a new plan after I left.

I felt like I had to help them.

I knew that Freddy had been treating them like trashcans, so I figured I could help fix that.

I needed:

1\. Foxy's help.

2\. An absolute kick a… yeah… one of those. One of those people. Maybe John Wayne.

Never mind. That guy's dead.

3\. Somebody who can drop kick well. (Me)

So, I talked to Bonnie and Chica about my idea when they came down the hallways.

I talked to Foxy in the daytime. Don't ask how I snuck in there. He said he'd help.

The next night, we put the plan into action.

I monitored the cameras. I saw Foxy walk up to Freddy. _He_ was the distraction. He started talking to Freddy. I could barely hear what he was saying. But, I knew, because I told him what to say. Since he had that pirate voice, it probably sounded something like this:

"Um, Freddy. I found somethin' that ye may want te see," He told Freddy.

"What?"

"You can only see it if ye be standing in the right place."

"Where is the _right place_?" Asked Freddy.

"Over by the shelf in the middle of the backstage area." He responded.

"Okay…" He sighed.

I stepped out of my office. I crept my way towards the stage.

As soon as I saw that Freddy and Foxy had gone backstage, I slowly made my way to the backstage area. I saw Freddy standing by the shelf. Foxy was talking to him. Trying to keep him there.

I saw my big pile of muscle of a _**BOSS.**_ He was the one I got for the 2nd thing on the list.

He ran at Freddy, yelled, "LIKE A BOSS!", and punched Freddy in the face.

Then, Bonnie ran in and hit Freddy over the head with his guitar.

After that, Chica came in and threw a whole pizza in Fredbutt's face.

I finally came in and drop kicked the shelf, causing it to fall on him.

"Okay, you fat crap," Me, Chica, Bonnie, and Foxy all said in unison.

"You," I continued," are going to stop treating them like trash…"

"And!" Foxy broke in," Are going te stop giving ol' Mikey all heck available twenty-four hours a day; eight days a week."

"And, you'll stop with all the drinking contests!" Chica added in.

We all looked at her.

" _ **NO!**_ " We all yelled at her.

"AND," Bonnie finished," Are going to tell the truth and say that my music _is_ good.

"He was already telling the truth," I said.

"Shut up, Mike."

"Eeehhhh," Freddy murmured.

"I'll be taking that as a yes," Foxy stated.

"Yep."

"Yeah."

"Yes."

From that point on, Freddy didn't mess with anybody.

He just wandered around and never came close to my office.

(Sorry if this one wasn't very good. I ran out of ideas.)


	9. Story Eight

As a Nightguard

Story Eight

I was doing some extra work in the daytime so I could get some more cash moneys. The manager came up to me and said:

"You'll have some help tonight!"

"From who?" I asked.

"Uh…. I can't remember his name because I have C.R.S. Can't Remember Shi…. yeah, that. Here, just take the clipboard."

He handed me a clipboard with a piece of paper that had the names of every employee and what their position was:

Mike Schmidt : Nightguard

Daniel Rowe : Secondary Nightguard

Wait, what.

Dan signed up? He signed up?!

 _Wow,_ I thought _, he really wanted to know what scared me so much._

For those of you who are confused, Dan has been my friend for a long time. He's been wanting to know what scares me so much. Apparently, he took the unneeded secondary nightguard position to see what was so bad about my job.

 _Great._

That night, I could see that Dan was already here. His car was parked outside. And I had gotten there two minutes late. He was probably already dead.

When I walked in, it turned out that he wasn't dead.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi,"

He jumped like I had startled him.

"Oh," he said," Hi. Don't sneak up on me like that. This place is already creepy."

"Didn't you just say _hi_?" I asked.

"No, I said hi after you said hi."

"No, _I_ said hi after _you_ said hi… then, you said hi again." I replied.

"Hi," We both heard but noticed that neither of us had spoken.

"None of them sound like _that_ ," I said.

"Who doesn't sound like that?" Dan asked.

I didn't answer. I was too busy looking down the right hallway at five pairs of glowing eyes.

Four of them taller, one of them much shorter and much closer. But, I could only see glowing eyes.

"What?" Dan asked.

"I don't know," I replied.

Then they disappeared.

"Uh," I said," Nothing."

"Um, weren't the curtains in Pirate's Cove closed?" he asked.

I punched the button and the left doorway shut.

We heard something ram into it. Probably on accident.

"Um, where'd the bunny go? There was a bunny, right?" He asked.

I just noticed that he was monitoring the cameras. He looked at the parts and service room.

"Oooohhhh, so that's why you're so scared every night. Well, holy crap on a stick, let's get out of here!"

"Can't. Both front doors are locked."

"Well, why don't you quit this job, ya crazy?"

"Number One. I need the cash moneys. Number Two. You aren't going to talk about this because I don't want to lose my job, and again, I need the cash moneys. Now, we're going to live through this if you'll just shut up and focus."

He looked at the cameras and opened the left doorway.

"Um… Mike."

"What?" I asked.

"The bear is nowhere to be seen."

I turned on the light outside of the right doorway.

He was right there.

I heard him say this, but he didn't have a chance to finish.

"Gotcha bi…."

I heard the bell ring.

"What's that mean?" Daniel asked.

"Six a.m." I said," end of shift."


	10. Story Nine

As a Nightguard

Story Nine

Oh, hi again. Did you miss me? Come on… I know you did. Anywho, it's nice to be back. And, of course, with me, is a new story! If you're wondering why I've been gone for so long, it's because I've been gone for so long. Yeah, I got my Masters Degree in Engineering (FINALLY) and left. Yep, just up and left. So, I kind of made a small fortune off of designing some useful things, and here's where it goes from there.

I was sitting on the couch watching TV in my new house, when, all of the sudden, I thought:

 _Hey, why not pay a visit to some old friends._

So, I got in my car and drove to Freddy Fazbears Pizza. It was night, and I just happened to have the key to the front door, (Yeah, I kept it.)

I walked in the front door, and, to my surprise, everything was quiet. No Nightguard in the office, no Bonnie in the left hallway, no anything. I walked down the hallway, and saw Freddy, Bonnie, Chica, and Foxy all hanging around the stage.

 _Okay, what can I do with this?_ I thought.

I checked behind the party poster in the office and there was still a bottle of rum behind it. I took it and started walking towards them, making sure they didn't see my face, and started acting like a drunk.

"Wow, he's actually coming _to_ us," Said Freddy.

"I think he's drunk. Jimmy, you okay?" Chica Asked.

I walked right up to Freddy and smashed the bottle over his head. He screamed and pounced.

I rolled backwards, evading his attack, my Nightguard hat falling off my head, allowing them to see my face.

"Hey! How ya doin' jerks?"

"Mikey?" Foxy asked.

"Mike, you old son of a…"

"Yeah, I remember you," I said to Freddy.

"Mike, you're not drunk this time, are you?" Chica asked.

Bonnie came from backstage, saw me, and tripped.

"Nope! Not drunk!" I said.

"Mike, is that you?" Bonnie asked.

"Well, how's everyone doin'?"

"Everything went down-hill since you left," Explained Chica," We got a crappy Nightguard that was too easy to kill, so no challenges."

"And someone drank up all the rum," Freddy said as he looked at Foxy.

"Hey, it was good rum," He said.

"So, what've you been doing?" Asked Bonnie.

"Not much. Maybe stumbled upon a small fortune by inventing some useful things."

"It's about six o'clock," said Bonnie.

"Well, see you guys tomorrow," I said.

"Bye!"

I walked out the door and headed home.

You missed the humor didn't ya?


End file.
